Football Vernacular Translations

Statement:
"we the Board have given Coach (insert name) our total vote of confidence."

Translation:
"we the Board hope this useless fcuk saved enough money for a return fare back home, pronto!"


Statement:
"his contributions to the club will never be forgotten."

Translation:
"it is humanly inconceivable to ever remove the stench of cocking up putricence that this bugger stained the club with!"


Statement:
"it just wasn't our day today."

Translation:
"since this club was formed, it's never been OUR day."


Statement:
"all credit to our opponents, they put up a spirited resistance."

Translation:
"fcuking wankers packed 12 (ref included) behind the ball and took a piss for 90 minutes!"


Statement:
"we have in place the foundation for a bright future"

Translation:
"we will pour concrete over the body of the coach and get a new one!"


Statement:
"we will take lessons from this."

Translation:
"my arsehole hurts!"


Statement:
"I will not resign."

Translation:
" I will sneak out of town quietly under Police Protection."

Statement:
"we're excited about this season."

Translation:
"yippee, I made it to the final year of my contract which guarantees me my money regardless of our results!"

Statement:
"football is a quintessentially british sport that preserves our most basic values and is emblmatic of what we've achieved as a people in the face of adversity"

Translation:
"we need deep-pocketed yankee investors to rescue our moribund institutions. Please. And do hurry up old Chaps. Remember we gave you a country har har har."


Statement:
"We're not just conquering American businessmen looking to invest! Soccer is the game of the people and there's such a wonderful tradition about it that excites us and we'd like to be a part of."

Translation:
"remember Boston you limey pricks? How's this for a red hot poker up your "arses?" Football my ass, no pads, no downs, no zebras?? Ha! Pansy long-socked prissy boys! Oh look, seats 58,000 on 12 acres....I see condos! I see commercial properties! I see a great exchange rate. Look out mama, we came, we scored, and we're blasting their asses back to William the Conqueror!!! Now, What do you want the new Basketball team to be called?


Statement:
"I don't have an explanation for what went on nor do I recall anything so abjectly pitiful as what we did today!"

Translation:
"Owing to the fact that I was asleep on the bench."


Statement:
"we're just going to have to lace our boots up tighter and get stuck in."

Translation:
"dear God Io think they know I'm clueless. Oh God, what's that smell...not again! Crikey I can't get up now!"